Coinage: "Percent Late"

I'm completely incapable of being on time. And I'm not one of those people who deny the existence of a social obligation to be on time. I feel bad about being late. And still, I generally am. Still, I don't allot enough time for travel and parking. It's classic bad faith, cognitive dissonance.

Here's my latest rationalization, though, and it comes to you in the form of a coinage post. The social obligation of being on time involves not mere lateness but percentage late.

The formula for percent late is tardiness over duration of event. It's the benchmarking concept we late people have been looking for. Different genres of appointments have different acceptable percentages. On the extreme end of the spectrum is a house party, especially with aggravating factors of: very young (early to mid 20's) hosts and guests, large number of guests, and a BYOB provision - at such an appointment, you may be as much as 75-80% late without having done anything rude. On the other hand, a dinner party, especially if it includes parents and non-disposable plates and utensils, you've really got to get there by 5-10%.
[UPDATE: In Los Angeles, due to an extremely high local tolerance of flakiness, there are many social engagements for which 100% is acceptable, as in this town, saying you will be some place means nothing except that you are aware of the event.]

If you exceed the appropriate percentage late, you can always plead ignorance of the duration of the event - this is the beauty of the formula. You thought the dinner party with parents would last until 1am - that explains your arrival time, right? At least you remembered to bring wine.

If you are always 0-3% late then you are a punctuality nerd, and you are probably imposing on the hosts, who probably aren't ready for you yet.

Percent late is useful only for social appointments. Doctor appointments, you should be on time for, even though the doctor him/herself may be thousands percent late. Job interviews, you should be 5% early.

Here's a tricky one: five hour booze cruise. (Just as an intellectual exercise; The Pickle does not endorse booze cruises.)