Coinage: CDS

Last night (a big party night due to the Threekend), Luvh and I and Company found ourselves out at a bar in Brooklyn that seemed to have attracted a surprisingly high number of douche-heads. The king of the douche-heads was a short stubbly guy with a backwards Yankee cap, clearly wasted, running his potty mouth (at volume 11), and intentionally bumping into people perhaps in hopes of starting a fight. He was so egregiously annoying we were seriously contemplating asking him “if he wanted to step outside.” (But after discovering that not a single one of us dorks had ever, in our entire lives, actually been in a fight of any kind, we decided against such a move.) As we were leaving the bar a few hours later, our douche king was outside doing his thing—smoking, cursing, and drunkenly pretending he was Rocky Balboa as he punched the air directly in front of other people’s faces while doing that stupid boxer dance (running really fast in place without lifting his knees, making him look like a coked-up chicken on a tread-mill).

This preposterous behavior prompted the following spontaneous coinage:

Luvh: “Dude, that guy is toxic.”
Peter: “He’s a straight-up Credit Default Swap.”

CDS for short.

So whenever someone is ruining the party atmosphere, bringing down the mood, stealing focus from the main event, but there is no good way to get said person “off the books”—that is, to leave the premises—that person reaches CDS status.